Rodger says that my hips aren’t for the faint hearted so to prove him wrong I decided to put on a wee show at the old folk’s home down the road aptly name - The Rest and be thankful.
I decided to give them a real treat and appeared in my leopard skin strictly no eating beforehand outfit. It has put a lot of women of their cream horns I can tell you.
My entrance caused quite a stir; even the TV was switched off; much to the annoyance of Archie an elderly man with poor fitting dentures.
‘Here I was watching that!’ He said as his false teeth clattered an applause. ‘
‘You got a dancer’ said the carer in a manner befitting Stalin.
Archie declined her offer of ’heading upstairs’ with a ‘you can stickit up your jumper ’ approach. The insult was like a skid on diesel, the carer didn’t even flinch.
So I told him a joke in my best Scottish accent and soon he was begging for some dancing. He said he had never heard a Scottish accent like it before except at the ‘local nut farm’ as he so politically incorrectly put it. Still at 99 years of age I figure you can be as politically incorrect as your false teeth allow you.
You see I am a natural mimic and my southern bell accent has been the pinnacle of many performances. Archie tried to hide his admiration ‘well I’ve no time for any of your pinnacles’ he said ‘I’m wantin my cup of tea.’
At the mention of tea a few of the others woke up and started to sift rebelliously behind their simmer frames ‘tea someone mention tea?’
But it was not long before I had them spell bound again with my sequined leopard skin bra and matching tea tray balancing on my head. ‘Short bread any one’ I said
And do you know not one person answered.