Charlie says he has had a life changing experiences.
The other night he heard strange noises coming from his neighbour’s home.
Apparently the noises where coming from Maggie Stewart’s bedroom, a woman way past her sell by date with an impressive selection of tranquilisers.
Charlie says he walked into to the bedroom to find Maggie displaying bits of her wrinkled body which were best covered up and a terrified looking young man with one leg out of the window.
Apparently Maggie woke up to find the young man helping himself to her ordainments. ‘Any port in a storm’, she yelled and flashed her wares. Maggie’s a woman who’d never turned down an opportunity.
Charlie raced to the window. And before Maggie had the change to yell ‘In the nuts,’ the two men rolling about on the floor. According to Maggie it was better than East Ender’s. Then the young man broke free and with a ‘ya fud’ along with many other incomprehensible words headed for the door.
Charlie follows, tripped and cascaded down the stairs (to quote Maggie) like an avalanche of potatoes.
Charlie says his life flashed before his eyes! He says there was bugger all to see except a couple of spicy quiches and a moment by the bike shed. He said his life was like an advert in the middle of a very boring film.
Maggie Stewart still maintains she would have shown the young man a thing or two.
Not exactly on a par with the enlightenment of the Buddha or apple defining moment of gravity; but for a man who has turned passivity into an art form. I would say a potato has hit him in more than one right place. Apparently he is now dressing up as a woman called Pussie; for the panto. There first dress rehearsal was in front of the youth club from Govan; now that takes balls.