Sunday, 19 January 2014

thank you http://writeeditpublishnow.blogspot.com.au

It was on Christmas Eve at The Argyll when I first saw her perform and it was something I will never forget. It was the old folk’s Christmas ‘Do’ a yearly tradition and this year they were all promised something special.

Shifty was pouring the drinks, Archie was on the accordion and Hector was playing the fiddle. Every year on the promise of free drink and turkey they played,and every year after said free drink and turkey they were asked to stop.

‘Hold on to your hats, and grab your glasses for this will be a bumpy ride Shouted Shifty ‘Tonight is a night of Eastern Promise And a night you will remember with pride.’

‘Not Jock on spoons again’ says old Ethel whose hearing aid was whistling louder than a microphone.

‘No’ shouted Shifty, ‘Jocks’ spoons are in the dishwasher. It’s an extra special surprise and you’ll never guess what... not in a million years. ‘Do you like surprises?’ he yelled. And waited for a response; when none came he poured another round and motioned for Archie to continue.

‘I said do you like to be surprised’ he yelled again.

‘Not before the Pudding’ muttered Ethel.

And then the music started as Rodger entered the bar. He was pulling a large plum pudding balanced preciously on a hospital trolley. It wheels squeaked and wobbled almost putting up a fight. Ethel silently stared. The music was nothing like anything I had heard before and hopefully I will never hear again. If you thought bag pipes where sore on the ears then think again, this music makes a cat’s howl sound like a harp, the howl of a baby like a lullaby and nail on a blackboard like the delight twinkle of a wind chimes.

Rodger positioned the plum pudding in the middle of the floor and then we watched, not quite sure what to say as he poured a bottle of brandy over it. A few coughed, the fumes where strong, some muttered at the wastage. But when Rodger lit the pudding there were gasps from us all and a few ‘oh for god sakes’ at the rear. There was a bit of scream and some feeble punching from inside, smoke filled the room and some yelled for a fire extinguisher but Ethel a woman who had fought in the war (Vietnam) knew what to do. And with a pot of brandy cream and jug of cider Ethyl surprised us all.

And then, there she was bursting, punching her way out of soggy paper pud while trying to hang onto her seven veils of gold and red. Nefertiti rose from the ashes spat out a few raisins and said...

‘I am Nefertiti’s get ready to watch me roar. I am a Goddess, and a woman, that you cannot ignore.’

She stood readjusted her headdress and waited for a response.

When none came she motioned for Rodger to light the candle on her headdress which sparked and spluttered before fizzling out, like the slow deflating of a tyre on a nail. Nefertiti the true professional that she was clung on to her veils and jumped into the splits, causing a few in the audience to winch. But before they could blink she was up stripping off her seven veils while handing out Turkish delights...from a variety of crevices.

Shifty’s dog who had never utter a noise for years had started howling from the music and then made a dive for one of the veils. Nefertiti armed with her sequinned padded bra and Boot’s spray on suntan had, in the past performed front of workmen, hen nights and even a punk band; whether they liked it or not. She had arrived at venues where they took one look at her and forgot the booking.

She was a dancer who meant business and a dog was not going to put her off.

25 comments:

  1. Hi kerri! Now that Nefertiti has arrived, I feel like the party is just beginning! What a cast of characters having a lot of fun. I wasn't quite sure who the 'I' narrator in the story was. I'm not sure how much feedback you're after, but I'll just say that it would have been a lot easier to read with paragraphs and the odd comma. Perhaps you were trying a new form? Ignore me if you were.

    Thanks for posting such a funny party scene for WEP! Great to have you! I hope you have a fun time!

    Denise

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    1. thank you Denise I think I didn't quite get the commas paragraphs etc right when I cut and pasted it they all disappeared. I agree it is hard to read but thank you for your comments

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  2. Oh, and you'll get a lot more comments if you turn off Word Verification!

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    1. thanks Denise how so I turn of the word verification I didn't even know it was on

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  3. Sounds like a whale of a party going on here!

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    1. thanks Lisa these old folk know how to party!!!

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  4. Word verification is hard....settings set too strictly.

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  5. Party on Nefertiti! No dog is going to interfere with her dance. Loved it!

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  6. Well that is quite a story ~ Didn't expect that ending ~ Thank you for sharing ~

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    1. thanks for reading grace I was quite excited seeing all the comments cheers

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  7. This could be a fun story if you make it less of a chore to read. Please break it up into paragraphs. (And please remove the verification!)

    Best wishes,
    Anna

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    1. thanks Ann I know about the paragraphs I made a bit of a muck up with cut and pasting

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  8. Wow, don't mess with Nefertiti. What about the audience? Did they like the surprise show?

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    1. next instalment will reveal more !!

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  9. Haha! I used to work in a retirement home. I would have LOVED to have seen something like this happen. There would have been a riot, a fight of whipped cream and cider and more than a little consumption of brandy. Great story! It would be easier to read if you broke it up a little, but I got so caught up in the story, it didn't really matter :)

    Found you thanks to the WEP. Nice to meet you,
    Jen

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    1. thanks Jen it nice to met you to glad you enjoyed the blog hopefully more to come

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  10. I would certainly party with Nefertiti, lol.

    .......dhole

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  11. Hi Kerrie,

    It's about time you got the recognition you deserve. I notice several of my adoring fans have left comments on your clever posting. Hello adoring fans. Sorry, delusional moment over :)

    Did I ever tell you that I secretly want to be Nefertiti. Very funny, as per usual. And Kerrie, it's great to see another post for you.

    Gary :)

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    1. thank you for you comments I going over right now and read you again it nice to hear you and I think you would enjoy swinging from the chandleries with Nefertiti for a while

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  12. HI, Kerri,

    Nice to meet you. Very fun story...

    Great cast of characters.

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    1. nice to meet you too glad you found the story funny I enjoy making people laugh

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  13. I agree with the other commentators and know you will work on that for another time re: breaking it up to make it easier to read. I love the attitudes of the residents, I can see their grumpy faces and impatience.

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    1. thank you sally I look forward to more comments and reading your work too

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  14. I can just picture a senior's home with such excitement! Tinny music, grumpy seniors making comments from the back - sounds like my MIL's care home.

    Enjoyed your post!

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For leaving a message Nefertiti thanks you from the pit of her loins